The Ceremonial of the Head of Family

CHRONICLES FROM THE CORNER | Chapter 5

Head of the Household! "The Ceremony"

In today’s Chronicles from the Corner, I bring you a behavior that was once a standard of respect, character, and citizenship—which was, in truth, a way of maintaining the family’s "quality control."

​It was a generous interrogation for anyone wishing to become part of a family. The whole process functioned like an official exam, complete with the risk of failing and everything else. 

I’m not even going to talk about way back when because it wasn’t that long ago, but the system was "strict" haha 🤭. Becoming part of a family wasn’t as simple as it is today, unlike how young people now say "hooking up" like a verb in the gerund form.

It wasn’t just about showing up and literally "hooking up," messing around with someone else’s daughter, hooking up, then walking away with that big-shot look as if you had just savored a delicious hamburger and said goodbye haha 🤭.

My brother, when it came to family, things were serious. To become a member of a family a few decades ago, the “candidate” had to prove he was capable to be approved by the "Chief," who was the girl’s father. Everything was divided into steps, starting with a tough grilling, perhaps one of the most difficult and challenging trials for the suitor.

The smartest and most skilled would quickly make friends with a family member (usually brothers or cousins), which most of the time was a "pre-yes" — already established between the couple. The biggest challenge was getting the parents' blessings, especially the future father-in-law.

The suitor always approached cautiously and nervously because, depending on the family, things could get heated and tough before the request and, of course, before his future father-in-law’s consent! The future father-in-law’s word was the verdict and the decision, almost like in legal terms, a "MONOCRATIC" ruling.

The step-by-step process of this Ceremony was the funniest part, even though there was nothing funny about the serious tone. Maybe that’s the secret that keeps some families strong and grounded even today!

Anyway, after the first stage of "yes or no," and having the first permission — the girl’s — the suitor moved on to the second stage: a face-to-face meeting with the mother-in-law, the father-in-law, and the older brothers (future brothers-in-law).

That day, the brother-in-law (names withheld) on that agreed Sunday went to meet the famous father-in-law. The nervousness was so intense it felt like he was trying not to arrive haha (only the old man’s mustache commanded respect), strong, fit, ex-boxer, good with his hands, very jealous and protective of his daughters haha.

After half a dozen pecks (kisses) on the girlfriend, the suitor entered the father-in-law’s house. But before that, he was sweating more than a couscous lid — the future father-in-law was highly respected in the neighborhood and fighting him physically was out of the question, absolutely unthinkable.

After the second stage, handshakes done, the "little guy" settled into a chair, and the silence was broken by the father-in-law’s dry, hoarse "Good afternoon," no smile at all (stern and serious face) haha. Looking into his eyes 👀, the interrogation began haha .

He asked what the suitor did for a living, what he worked with, if he studied, what he wanted to be in life. Back then, if he said musician, pagode singer, or soccer player, that was it haha "Game over".

The guy was tough, hardworking, and diligent, already in his last year of Law school. The father-in-law sighed in relief 😌 and continued the questioning — who his parents were, where he lived, if he had any vices, etc. However, when the suitor said he was practically a lawyer, the atmosphere changed.

They moved to the dining room 🍽 and had lunch! Still tense, the father-in-law with everyone seated, asked for a minute of silence, they made a prayer, then gave the floor to the suitor… The nervous guy quickly spoke about his intentions, plans, and formally asked for permission to date, while a waterfall of sweat ran down his forehead showing how nervous he was haha. Of course, the teasing was guaranteed for years haha.

Finally, the father-in-law took the floor back to conclude, simply and modestly like a true family head. With a little suspense, those two minutes felt like an eternity until:

“For me, it’s enough!” Mom (mother-in-law) grabbed the glasses, son, you have our consent, but I make it clear that if you slip up, it will cost you dearly! haha l. Are we clear? From now on, you’re one of us…

Everyone toasted… And the fierce father-in-law ordered that feijoada to be served, and so the engagement went on until the wedding. All those steps accompanied by big memorable parties, families living together happily to this day!

I narrated this story, but it was a typical way of the past followed closely by many families in Brazil. That’s how it was done — family was respected…

@PietrodeLucca ✒️📝🖋️

8Escritor, Poeta, Contista e Cronista

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